Monday, October 3, 2011

I want perfect kids

I do. I'll be honest. I want perfect kids. Can anyone readily admit they don't? Sure, people say that they love their children no matter what. And, of course, I do as well. But I also want perfect kids. There is so much to think about being a new mother. Behavior issues, eating issues, disclipine issues, learning issues, development issues, social issues...the list can go on and on and on. I want well-behaved, social, loving, polite, active, beautiful (already done, ha!) smart kids. The question is how much is too obsess over it? I think every parent does it, whether they will admit it or not. Plus, we get into the "I want to do things differently", "I want them to have what I didn't have".

I have a nanny, whom I absolutely adore. But now I am pondering the move to a daycare. I worry that those toddlers in daycare are learning so much more than mine and being much more social. Is this true? Probably not, but again, I think about it.

I go to Gymboree and do a Mommy and Me class with them once a week. Is this the best class for them? Are they learning the most they can? Should I try and do a Gymnastics class instead or a Music and Me class instead or in addition to? Probably not. This is probably enough for them right now, but again, I think about it.

I did Babywise when they were newborns. (gasp!!!) yes, I admit it. People have uber strong opinions about it, but that is what worked for me and my family, and I loved the principals behind it. However, Babywise is also supposed to produce well-behaved kiddos. Ha!!! Thats pretty funny. I have really good kids, mind you, but they also have their moments. They are (sigh) 19 months old now, so we are quickly approaching the terrible twos, and again, I have TWO babies approaching the terrible twos. However, I don't want brats. I want polite, mannered, well-behaved kids. Is this something to think about and obsess about when they are only 19 months old? Of course not! But, I think about it. At this point, I would just like to take them to a restaurant and have them sit with us throughout an entire meal and be able to be happy and eat their food. Thats my small goal :)

Parenting is a journey.  A fun, rewarding, amazing, wonderful, awesome, frustrating, exciting journey. I guess this is my way of telling myself to not obsess over each thing and just enjoy the moment. Its hard for me, because not only do I love every second with my sweet babes, but I also get super excited when I think of the next step in our journey with my not-so-perfect-but-fabulous babes :)

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  1. I don't think that 19 months old is an inappropriate time to be thinking about raising polite, well-mannered, well-behaved kids. I am thinking about that all the time.

    I mean, I don't obsess over my son's current "education" and stuff like that. I know he's smart, and my goal is to intellectually stimulate him to the extent that he WANTS to be stimulated, but above all, love him to pieces. I was a teacher before, and now being a parent I feel like my perspective is so much more well rounded than it was when I was JUST a teacher. So I am less concerned with having the "smartest" kid than I am with having the "happiest and most secure and well loved" kid.

    BUT, behaviour expectations need to be worked on already at this young age. My nephew was SUCH a brat from about 18 months until 2.5 years old, when everyone finally admitted they didn't want Elijah around because he was miserable, and my brother and his wife finally stopped "letting everything go." They started disciplining instead of giving in, and he is a much more pleasant child now.

    I think I think about this a lot because I really don't want my kid to be "the brat," like Elijah was.

  2. Aww, thanks Lauren!! That makes me feel so much better. :)

  3. I love this post because I do think that parents over analyze everything. I being one of them. I read a great book called "Raising a Generation of Wimps" that really put everything into perspective as to how parenting has changed and how it is having a negative impact on our children. There is also a great documentary coming out about this called "Race to No Where".

    If it helps at all, I did EVERYTHING with my first child and am lucky if number three gets to the park more than once a week. I see nothing different as to how number three is developing vs number one. In fact, she is ahead of the first two!

    As for behavior, you are never too young to learn how to act appropriate. Even if they do not listen right away, they will over time.

    BTW: love Babywise :)

  4. Yes! I agree! I think its so easy to obsess over evey little thing, but in all honesty, we were not raised probably to this extreme, but I turned out fine. Its just a different culture now, and everythign is so competitive. Our nanny talked to me today (honestly!) about Jules and how she could start dance lessons when she turned two. TWO!! Which is crazy! And do you think I will sign her up at 2? Ummm, absolutely. Its just nuts, and I am 100% guilty.

  5. I agree, we all want perfect kids, we all want to give them the best. I have Irish twins, 2 girls born 13 months apart. The oldest turned 2 in June, and like you I worry about manners. That said, for the most part she is a very polite 2 year old. Don't get me wrong, God knows they both have their moments. But Kira consistently says please and thank you, yes ma'am, no ma'am. It's important that you model good manners for them and guide them (gently but firmly) to be good members of society. Follow your mommy instinct and you will create your perfect family. It might not always look like it to an outsider, but it will always feel that way to you!
    Emily (new follower from Mom's Best Nest blog hop :)