Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The post in which I felt like a failure

I know (hope) most moms have had days like this. I haven't had it happen to me yet, but this week, it did. I was *mortified* in a public place by my children.

Our grocery store visit started out fine. If I have the babes with me, I typically go to Publix, because I like their car shopping carts better. I'm weird, I know, but theirs are up high, while the car carts at Kroger are down low. They typically fight in those and I have to separate them. At Publix, they are up top with me. 

Anyway, so like I said, it started out fine. They LOVE going to the store. I should have known it would be bad when we had our first meltdown right at the bananas (Yes, as in, the first thing you get to when you get in the store). We made it through a couple more aisles, and then they started arguing. Josh wanted to get out an walk (no) wanted to come up in the seat with me (which he did), he wanted to get back in with Jules, they fought some more, I am pulling out my hair at this point. And OH THE WHINING. I let them have a fruit packet hoping that would settle them down.

We are halfway through the aisles at this point, and this was quick trip anyway, but I was done.

But all this yes, I know, can be normal.

It was a check-out when things got bad. They love to "help me" put stuff onto the register, which is fine. This is when Jules had  a meltdown and Josh stood up in cart. He got "scolded" by the bagger lady. (well, not scolded really, but I had my back turned trying to calm Jules down, and the lady was just worried he would fall). So, then I got him down and he started pulling stuff off the racks. OMG.

The register people at Publix had to tell Josh no again because Jules was screaming and I had to deal with her.

I am just a mess at this point and want to get out of there. Can't I control my own children? Why do the people at Publix feel the need they need to help me? I should be telling my own kids no, not them! However, they had to because let's be honest, I was outnumbered! We got to the car and I got them out and tried to get them in the car while bagger lady puts my groceries in the back. I am MORTIFIED at this point. Josh is throwing a fit because he doesn't want to get in and stands in between my legs. And, again, bagger lady tells him to stay with me. I say "he's ok, this is how we do this and get them in the car". She doesn't know our routine of getting twin two-year-olds in the car, and it does look crazy I guess if you don't know us. But, it works for us and I have to do everything at the same time. Again, she was just trying to help, I know. But, honestly, I want TO DIE.

But, for the first time in their 2.5 years on this earth, I was so embarrassed that she felt she had to help me. Mortified. I can't explain this feeling, but I know some of you out there have experienced it. I felt ashamed, and it was an awful feeling. I usually have good kids, I really do. And usually, they don't team up on me. It's usually one or the other. But not that day. It makes you feel like a complete failure as a mother and that you have failed in some way in mothering the babes because they act so awful sometimes.

But, I also know that they are two. And I have to take a step back and realize that. But, I also need to re-evaulate some disclipine. Because things like that will now be kept to a minimum if I can help it, because I certainly don't want to feel like that again!

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  1. Oh sweetie.

    Oh, oh sweetie.

    Consider yourself lucky that this is the FIRST time that this happened. And know that without a shadow of a doubt that this won't be the last.

    But do you know why that lady was helping (albeit too much)? Because she's sees it My kids are typically pretty well-behaved, but there comes an age (2.5 is a good example) when their personalities come out in full force and they start PUSHING. And these pushing moments are going to happen in public and in private and basically always.

    The lesson to be learned, at least for me, is that if they weren't doing these things, something would be wrong. They are supposed to be little shits. Constantly. It's how they learn. So know that you are far from the first mom to be humiliated at the store, and you will learn to accept it because there are at least 10 other moms right now in that same store having the same moment or are about to. Now I don't even blink when mine are psychos. And the folks at Kroger LOVE them despite their shenanigans.

    Welcome to Crazy Town! It's super fun. Not.

  2. Hang in there! Managing two toddlers is not easy. If it's any consolation, I'm not even brave enough to take mine grocery shopping alone. I either take along my husband or mom, or I go alone. So I think you're amazing for doing it on your own.

  3. Mandy, you stop it right now. We all have times like that - goodness knows we have, most often at the library when I've had to scoop them up one under each arm and walk for the door with them screaming and everyone in the library looking at us like "Look at that terrible mom and her out-of-control kids". I don't care. (And it helps that our librarian is understanding and that I've made friends with her.)It is TOTALLY normal for little ones to push boundaries. That's how they find out where they are. You have good kids. You really do. And you're doing a good job. Promise.

  4. Ugh, I get it, I would totally be embarrassed too. I can only imagine having TWO 2 year olds who both were meltdown-y at the same time out in public... and then having the staff at the grocery store think they need to discipline your children for you? I get how you felt mortified. And I think I would have been really annoyed at the "help" you were receiving.

    Obviously this is totally normal behaviour for 2 year olds, but I sympathize with you and understand your embarrassment!

  5. Oh hugs and I so get this... we had this experience at the science museum the other week. TOTALLY mortified as I had the kicking, flailing, hitting, screaming toddler. I can only imagine having 2!

  6. BTDT many, many, MANY times! My two are 11 months apart and have figured out that teaming up on me gets them attention. And me to feel exactly like you did. We live in a military community so it's hit or miss as far as people feeling able to scold or talk to my kids like that. Most times I appreciate it because, obviously I either haven't seen what happened or am dealing with the other little at the time. But there have been many an occasion where it makes me feel like I don't *really* know how to be a good mother (because, HELLO?!! otherwise my kids wouldn't be behaving like that right?)

    Unfortunately this probably won't be the last time something like this happens but you putting your foot down about it now will likely help. Keep your chin up Hun. It's a normal part of having toddlers. And, to be honest, most people that scold our children for us in these situations will be doing it in an effort to help ease the stress on you. (((HUGS)))

  7. I think it happens to all of us at some point or another. I only have 1 and it's happened to me. Don't be too hard on yourself...

  8. Yep, it happens to the best (worst??) of us. And sadly it seems the older they get? The worst the tantrums can be! Mine is 3 1/2 and just yesterday he had a meltdown where he threw himself on the floor. He NEVER did this in his "terrible" two's! My DH was mortified and I just took it in stride and left the store.